Race Report: Emerald Nuts Midnight Run

I am probably one of the first bloggers to be able to publish a race report for 2008… yay! On New Year’s Eve I did the Emerald Nuts Midnight Run, a 4 mile race sponsored by the New York Road Runners club. The twist was, I did a version of Beer Mile and attempted to take a shot for each mile of the four mile race. Here’s a list of top 10 do’s and don’ts in case you have any inclination to try something similar.

  1. DO pick a liquor that is tasty. Straight vodka, though it has the advantage of looking like water in your bottle, is disgustingly hard to drink, even if you try to pick something you think is yummy like Skyy Melon. In actuality, flavored vodkas are only tasty when they are used in mixed drinks. I opted to put it in a sippy bottle in order to be inconspicuous about my alcoholism, but vodka is not really sippable. It’s definitely more of a “throw the shot down your throat and try not to taste it.”
  2. DON’T run with friends who are slower than you. You will not get warm if you try to run at their pace. However, it does make it easier to sip the vodka.
  3. DO wear something absolutely ridiculous, but also warm. Personally, I recommend a hot pink 80s tracksuit, a pink scrunchy to pull your hair into a side ponytail, and a stylish pair of pink glittery 2008 sunglasses. Under all of this, I layered leggings, Under Armour, etc.
  4. DON’T forget your gloves. You can’t ball your hands up for warmth when you are clutching your vodka bottle.
  5. DO mix any rest area liquids in with your vodka, as they will greatly improve the taste. In this race, we were provided with non-alcoholic champagne at the halfway point. Not coincidentally, the halfway point is where I started drinking in earnest.
  6. DON’T tighten the lid on your waterbottle so much that you spill half of your non-alcoholic champagne in an attempt to get your bottle of vodka open while still jogging.
  7. DO make concrete plans with friends for after the race, and make them way in advance, while all of you are still sober. Your friends have all been drinking since 8 PM at their various open bars, so they will probably not be coherent by the time you’re ready to go out.
  8. DON’T leave your cell phone on vibrate if you are putting it in your sports bra for safekeeping, for lack of secure pockets on your track suit. It makes it difficult to sprint into the finish when your chest is vibrating as people call and leave you happy new year’s messages.
  9. DO continue running while you drink – there’s no need to stop or even slow your pace. In order to claim the title of Vodka Four Mile Champion of the World (it wasn’t listed on Beer Mile, so I’d assume I am the titleholder), you have to beat my blistering(ly slow) time of 40:43.
  10. DON’T underestimate how drunk you are. You won’t feel drunk while you run (aside from feeling a little shorter of breath than usual while going uphill). However, after the race, you will go from 0 to 100 on the drunkenness scale in about 2 minutes. If you don’t realize this, you may find yourself running the race just fine but then falling over a curb and landing on your butt as you walk away from the finish area. Not that I would know.

Happy New Year everyone!!!

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