Shallow thoughts of a girl who wishes she were a cool runner

Those are really weird headphones poking out from under that girl’s headband. They look like pearl earrings. Wait, they are?! Wow, that is way too preppy… I can’t believe she’s wearing them while she runs.

The two guys behind me seem to know EVERYONE. They keep saying hi to people. I wish I knew lots of people to say hi to.

(Expletive expletive expletive) I think my left thigh is getting a bit sore. (Expletive). I am GOING to run this (expletive) race next weekend, and I am GOING to run 10 (expletive) miles today. I don’t care. It’s not like it hurts bad… I’m just scared it will later. (Expletive)

Uh oh, there comes a seven year old running with her mother. I feel guilty for even thinking all those bad words. Sunshine, butterflies, candy, ice cream… wow, I really could go for some Tasti D right now. I’m glad I’m running before noon when they open, or I’d be tempted to use my emergency money to pick up a cup on the way home. Must… resist… temptation…

HOW is that seven year old running so fast? She just burned past me, and so did her mom. Grr. Why didn’t my mom take me running when I was 7? I could have been world class by now! Oh… that’s right… because I hated running until two years ago, and couldn’t even handle the mile in gym class. Wow, I am proud of myself now!! Whoo, runner’s high.

Hey, there’s someone in a Cornell sweatshirt way up there! Hmm, what should I say when we get close? I’m not wearing any Cornell gear I can just point to. Here she comes, here she comes… ugh, she has her headphones on and can’t tell I’m talking to her. I’ll tap her on the shoulder as she goes by to get her attention, and then I’ll say something.

Wow, I feel like such a loser. I slammed into her by accident and she still didn’t even stop to acknowledge what I was saying. Which was “hey (gasp, gasp) I’m a (gasp) Cornell alum!” Real cool, Laura, real cool. The guys behind me are probably laughing at me right now. I’ll turn up my iPod a bit so I can’t hear it if they are.

I am REALLY good at running uphill. I need to find a race that is all uphill, with no downhill, because I totally rock. And my gait feels awesome too! Heel-toe, heel-toe… I really should concentrate on my form more often. This is great!

Ohhhh downhill. Remember, Laura, go slow… this is probably how you got hurt in the first place. Think form, think form… ooh, those two popular guys behind are passing you and they are cute! Forget form; speed up, speed up!

“Are you guys part of a running club or something? You seem to know everyone!” (Flirtatious laugh) “Oh, Team in Training? That’s awesome!” Blah blah, conversation ensues. These guys are really fun! I love that they told me I’m kicking their butt and making them run faster. Yay uphill! Maybe I should do Team in Training… they make it sound like a great way to meet people, and if there are more cute guys like these… let me at them! Forget the bars; from now on, I’m going to start meeting guys by being friendly with them while running in the park. I need to get cuter running gear though…

Speaking of, there’s another girl wearing pearl earrings while running! Apparently this is the new preppy thing to do. Why didn’t I know about this trend? I am ultra preppy! I am the preppiest of the preppy! Note to self: wear a pearl necklace next Sunday at the race. Actually, no, that might be overdoing it. But don’t forget the earrings!

Okay, downhill. I’ll let these guys go ahead of me for a while. They’re a bit reluctant at first. And why do they keep looking back at me? Maybe they think I’m cute! (Probably not in these scrubby running clothes). Speed up, Laura, speed up… NO! Why are they turning off? Don’t be wimps and take the 72nd transverse… do the full loop!!! Grr. Well, maybe they’ll continue south once they cross and I’ll pass them again at the bottom of the park. What were they wearing again? Orange shirt and blue shirt. Check. I’ll watch for the orange one; it’ll be easier to spot. I hope I see them.

Wait, is that… seriously?! That old guy is smoking while running? Unbelievable. I thought runners were smarter than that. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t judge, seeing as I’ve drank while running. But come on, smoking is SO much worse than drinking! (At least, that’s what I’ll keep telling myself until my liver fails at 30)

Wow, I can’t believe I’m out of the park already! (And didn’t run into those guys again… sad). But that really didn’t feel like nine miles so far. It’s weird: one mile and two miles and three miles suck, but miles four through ten all seem to just go by with very little effort. I really hope I didn’t screw up my calculations. Should I run extra in case? No. No no no. Bad Laura. That’s what you did last time and got injured. Even if you run nine miles or something it’s okay, you just need to not anger your leg anymore. It’s already sore.

Okay, you know this part; you mapped just this segment the other day. 0.67 miles to go! Pick it up, pick it up… apartment building in sight! Sprint for it!!!! And… done. Now try to not to hit the doorman with your sweaty gloves and headband as you rip them up and gasp for air. Hobble to the elevator, stretch inside, and then hobble to your apartment and the sanctity of your foam roller. Ahhhhhh.

10.13 miles done today at a 9:01 pace. If I can keep that pace for the half-marathon, I’ll be under two hours! Just can’t slow down much… a 9:09 pace puts me at two hours exactly. I WILL BE UNDER TWO HOURS.

And I will run into those two cute guys (and more) at the race. This time I will get their phone numbers.

Comments

  1. In your new hot workout clothes you will be takin numbers :) lululemon also has awesome cute workout stuff. I’m just broke as they come..I got the bia brazil pants at fitnessfetish online. EEEK…I gotta do ten miles in the next week. Soooo scared! haha

  2. Well… I found your blog on CRN. Talk about a first blog post to read. Very funny. Anyhow, based on that “training” run, you are well on your way to a sub 2 hour half. That’s awesome!!

  3. Great post! I tried doing that, but I’m old and I forgot half of the stuff when I run. Hence, the bullet points. Who the hell wears jewelry on a run??? At some point, there will be someone in pearl earrings WITH the cigarette. Only a matter of time.

  4. Hi Laura! I was searching for some running blogs and came across yours. I was pleasantly surprised because I graduated from Cornell in 2003! Good luck on your half marathon next week, I’m hoping to run my first in April.

  5. Great post, very funny, I had a smile for the whole loop!

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