I hate being unemployed

I hate that it’s 5:30, basically only halfway through what would normally be my work day, and I’m already halfway through a bottle of wine.

I hate going to the Wall Street Starbucks in the morning for coffee with Boyfriend, and seeing all the successful people coming in wearing their suits and getting their lattes to go, while I sit there in my jeans and stupid t-shirt reading a book because I don’t have meetings or conference calls at which to drink my coffee.

I hate meeting Boyfriend for lunch when he checks his Blackberry for e-mail, because I then have to ask him to borrow his Blackberry to check my (non-work) e-mail and see if there are any e-mails about job opportunities or things I need to do. There aren’t.

I hate that Boyfriend tries to be nice and pay for my lunch. This really isn’t a change because he always tried in the past too, but I hate that now I let him.

I hate that I have no money to spend and all the time in the world to spend it.

I hate going grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s in the middle of the day when the only other people there are stay at home moms and college students. For that matter, I hate walking anywhere near the NYU campus in the middle of the day when I’m not wearing business casual. No, I’m not a student; actually, I don’t do anything.

I hate that I can go to the gym anytime I want, because instead of knowing that now is the only time to go, I can always go later and still not have any obligations to conflict with my workouts. I hate that I don’t ever go later, and therefore I never go at all.

I hate when someone asks me when I’m free to get together and the answer is any day, any time.

I hate that the most pressing obligation I have is… yeah, I don’t know how to finish this sentence.

Comments

  1. Laura..one day you will look back on all this and laugh. That is the beauty of life..I think I might follow this up with an equally negative post. lol

  2. Everyone goes through crap in their life. Job loss, crappy realtionship, bad dye job – you just live and learn :) At least you are in an awesome City and not stuck in Kansas or something! (and I can say that – because I used ot live in Kansas!!)

  3. Awww…it’s ok to blow off some steam and to hate the situation you are in. But try to look on the positive side. Before you know it, your talented little self will have a new job and you’ll be wishing for those moments where you could enjoy your coffee without having to worry about rushing to a meeting, or that you could be a college student again with no worries in the world instead of sitting in your office and getting yelled at by your boss.

  4. Wow..that is really a shame. You seem really low now but you might find the strangest things happen at the lowest times. I hope things turn around for you – I just found your blog! I read your race report from Disney which was fun – I was there too. Good luck and I look forward to reading some good news and will send postive vibes :)

  5. Laura chica you are being way too hard on yourself!!!

    You will have a job in no time!!! I just no it!!!

    Be well and enjoy some warm weather running.

    I can’t. I broke my TOE!!

  6. Try to stay positive. Things will get better!

  7. (((HUGS))) chica. ITA with Run Mommy! Life has a weird way of working (no pun). Your luck will change, just wait and see ;-)

  8. Complain all you want now honey, because once you get another job you’ll have to suck it up and smile when your boss is nuts and your coworkers are catty and you are insulted by the crap they ask you to do. Just sayin’.

    And shit, girl–you’re losing weight. Always a good thing. Maybe you won’t catch a job but you’ll catch a rich husband with your new skinny self.

  9. It’s a tough situation. On one hand you have the time to do things you may never be able to do in the future, but the focus (worry) on the future, loss of status, etc, are making it difficult for you to see this. You are much more than a job, one that you lost not because of lack of ability and effort, but because of tough economic times. I say, put yourself on a schedule, even if it includes only going for coffee, gym, lunch wiht boyfriend (for now), and imerse yourself in the present. Another job will come your way, but the present moment will be gone forever! Ana-Maria

  10. I’ve been in your shoes (although not in as fabulous of a place as NYC). My motivation was nil and I was totally depressed, I was totally dependent on my husband, it made me feel like total crap! My advice is embrace it, let yourself be depressed for awhile, because one morning you will wake up and it will be okay. And you’ll want to go to the gym, and be happy to be at Starbucks reading your book because you know your new job starts soon and you only have a few more days to enjoy the peace! Hang in there and best of luck :)

  11. Enjoy this time, you will look on it later and wonder why you were so worried.

  12. God, you poor thing. I just read about you being laid off. What a nightmare. I’m truly sorry. Here’s hoping things look up for you soon! Anyone who is as devoted to running marathons as you are will have no problems being tenacious in finding a new job. Good luck!

  13. Just wanna let u know I’m rooting for you.

  14. Sorry you’re so bummed. Good news is at least you have support (boyfriend) and friends that want to hang out with you. Also – you’ll have the REST of your life to work! Enjoy the break while you can – it will end before you know it.

  15. So… you got it all out now, right? :) No more Debbie Downer talk, life is good! Think of it as vacation … My company shut down back in 2003 and I actually welcomed the break! I didn’t even look for a new job for six months – just enjoyed myself instead. I spent time with family, took up new hobbies (crocheting was one of them!), and volunteered to make sure I got out of the house :) It definitely re-energized me when I finally decided to re-join the workforce. :)

  16. Not to totally invalidate what you’re going through (because, believe me, I’ve been there) but try to consider the positives:
    – you have your health (and youth as a bonus!)
    – you have skills that will eventually translate into a new job
    – you have people around you who love you
    – you have a safety net, however meager, in the form of unemployment (something I’ve never had as a self-employed person)

    You’re also not alone, which I know doesn’t help, but I say it because once you’re interviewing again, no explanation will be required as to why you were out of work.

    Spring is on the horizon and the city offers lots of freebies. Try to take advantage of the time off, since you will be working for the rest of your life and will resent it once you reach my relatively decrepit age…

  17. I know things are crappy now, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find a new job! You’re a hard worker with great experience! Keep your head up!

  18. Been there. Best I can say is if feeling purposeful means having structure, create some structure for your day. Take this opportunity to volunteer. It keeps you in contact with humans, it improves your network, and it keeps your skills sharp. Don’t think soup kitchen here, think doing what you do, but doing it for a non-profit. Just walk in and ask if they need help with xyz. Best of all, volunteering keeps you purposeful.

  19. It’s okay to hate the situation you are in. I, too, am jobless at the moment, and COMPLETELY relate to your post. Hang in there, girl. I hope we both find a job very soon!

  20. We have all been there…I was unemployed for 3 months in 2007 and like you, had all the time in the world and no money to do anything with it. Just keep plugging along and feel free to vent whenever you want!

  21. hang in there girlie… something will come along i know it. you are smart, talented and very focused… things will work out!

  22. Your post is everything that I’ve been wanting to say about my life right now, but had no idea how to say it. Apparently we’re in the same boat. Good luck with the job search. Eventually, things will work out the way they’re supposed to.

  23. Ahhh, good luck! You will find something I’m sure. Isn’t it such an irony that when we’re making money we don’t have time to spend it and when we’re not making it there’s plenty of time to spend it?

  24. That stinks, I can’t imagine how it must feel. I hope things work out for you soon and that you find a new job that makes you happy.

  25. Hang in there…you’ll find something!

    I was there fall of 2007…I cried and ate lots of ice cream…don’t do that it’ll come back to haunt you!

    Vent when you need to and try making yourself a schedule…even if it’s make the bed and go to the gym, it might help keep you focused.

  26. Oh Laura. {{hugs}} Hang in there. It’ll get better. :o)

  27. It is tough to enjoy the down time when you are stressed about employment. The best thing to do when you have a huge amount of free time is to take advantage and train like a mad woman. In six months or a year (or less), you will working full-time again and wishing you had more time to train.

  28. My suggestion is just to enjoy this time. After all, as smart and motivated as you are, you’ll find something soon and then you’ll be wishing for your spare time back. Revel in the fact that you’re not having to compete with as many people to get your gym time in or pick up your groceries at the ONLY TJ’s in NY. Good luck!

  29. Aww, don’t worry, things will look up soon.

    What you need is a routine. You need to make obtaining a job your new full-time job. You have set a schedule, something like getting up everyday at 7, starting “work” at 8 (and by work I mean looking for jobs, reaching out to alumni and people you know, looking for, and going to, networking events, perfecting your interviewing skills, etc.)take an hour lunch break at 12, work again until 5 and then call it a day.

    You will at least feel productive and hopefully get a job sooner! And then you can spend your weekends and evenings doing all the things you haven’t been able to do while you were working so much.

  30. Laura,
    I know that it’s rough. At the very least, let me assure you that this is one of the most eloquent posts you’ve written! Still wishing you well,
    Kristin

  31. Oh my gosh . . . I am just sitting here trying to catch myself up on everyone’s posts from the past two months or so (oops), and let me tell you . . . this just sucks. BUT. Hang in there, girl. You are one of the smartest, most hard-working people I know (I can still “know” you without ever having met you, right?). It won’t be long before you’re back out there kicking ass at a new job!

    On a side note, could you maybe work on that book you’d mentioned a ways back in addition to doing your job-hunting? Not sure if you’re still planning to do that; but I was just thinking the other day that if I lost my job, I would TOTALLY use the extra time in which I wasn’t job-hunting to write (ooh, and train more too!) Keep your head up We’re all rooting for you :)

  32. Do the IRONMAN – come to Madison, Wisconsin. You’ll love it – you can do it …. and you might even change your mind about thinking NY is the only place you want to live …..

  33. Sorry I’m a bit late on this, but I’m rooting for you. If you need anything from a fellow NYer, just ask.

  34. I am sorry. It will be ok.

  35. I’m sorry, it sounds like you are really feeling down, but it will get better, I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I promise it will get a lot better. Try to see the positive- remember you WILL get a job and then you will look back and wonder why you didn’t enjoy this time off. Think of it as a mini sabatical.

  36. Good luck. They are firing people all around me at work. Sometimes I envy them, but I know better. Some of my unemployed friends are downright hostile to me now because I have a job. I try not to take it for granted. I wish the best for you.

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