While you all were complaining about your gyms being invaded by New Year’s Resolutioners, I didn’t have that problem…. I had my own, personal workout room. Of course, the gorgeous elliptical only taunted me, since Rachel won’t still let me do cardio till next week, but I got busy with the free weights, and kicked my butt so hard that it was already sore when I woke up. Yay! But while I may be bragging about getting to use whatever weight I want whenever I wanted to use it, there is one New Year’s Resolution rant I have not yet seen posted on any of your blogs. Tell me I’m not the only one who is experiencing… the cafeteria salad bar line.
All year long, I walk up and there’s maybe one person in front of me. If that. Yesterday, I headed down at the usual time, only to discover a line that wound all the way around the salad bar and halfway out the cafeteria door! I couldn’t believe it. Surely they ought to have some kind of “express lane” for those of us who use this year-round instead of just for the holidays. You know, like a frequent flyer program, but for salad. I would totally have lifetime executive platinum for that. Or “lifetime big cheese,” or “the crouton,” or you know, whatever they call top status in a salad program.
Membership would entitle me to cut in front of everyone else in line before they can contaminate the other ingredients with their poor dexterity (you know what I’m talking about… when someone spills gorgonzola all over the broccoli or thousand island dressing into the fat free balsamic vinaigrette). Because come on… these resolutioners do not have the necessary expertise to use the salad bar appropriately. They may not be quite as bad as the VBITs who don’t know how to take their belts off (or bring so much junk that they can build an extra “person” by throwing their coat over the pile in the window seat, causing the flight attendants to miscount the passengers three times and delay the flight 20 minutes before figuring out the problem was with the idiot in 10C… not that this happened to me on my Monday morning flight or anything), but they absolutely do not deserve first dibs my beautiful salad bar.
And newsflash: it’s basically the same thing as a burger if you put a thin layer of lettuce, a cup of corn, a cup of chicken, and one slice of tomato, topped off by 1/4 cup of creamy ranch dressing, 1/2 cup of cheese, and a cup of croutons. Just go back to the burger line and don’t forget your side of fries… we all know you’ll be back there in a week anyway. Oh, and…